Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Anyone out there really wonder if they are cursed? Truly unlucky? That you have your own rain cloud above your head? I do, and it won't go away. I have a lot to be thankful for. A loving family, my life, and, the fact that I am in school. But situations this past summer really make me question all of it. I have been unhappy for a long time and I don't know what I can do to get myself out of this funk. Let me explain.

I am a big girl. Yes I have no one to blame but myself (food tastes good). But I want to change that, so my sister and I want to get gastric bypass. We've been working on this for 2 years. 2 years of getting the run around, tests, and bullshit from doctors. But finally this past summer it looked like we were finally going to go under the knife. July 15, 2009 was our pre-op appointment (when you can remember the date it's not good). Me, my sister, and my mom all went. All day I had a bad feeling. My sister was excited and was like "why aren't you happy?" I know myself, good things like this RARELY happen to me. So I told her I am not going to get happy until I'm on a table! We go to sign in and Shay (my sis) gets a book detailing what to expect from the operation. I sign in and I don't get one. So we're all uneasy now and the doctor tells us that he downright refuses to operate on me because of my kidney condition. I don't have enough protein in my blood. My sister and mother are shocked, but I'm not. I KNEW it! I CALLED it! Between the three of us I kept it together best. My mom and sister started crying! So my sister went on without me and got her surgery. When I visited her after her operation I kept it together but on the way home I broke down and cried my eyes out. That was just at the end of the summer. Other shit happened too.

I am in college and this year summer vacation started early May. So I was job searching since the beginning of April. No calls, no interviews, NOTHING!! I gave it until the new Harry Potter movie came out then gave up. I get private loans to help with my school expenses, but for SOME fucking reason I couldn't get ANY loans!!! I still need a fucking book for a class ($150)!!! And the icing on the shit cake I wanted to work at my school but they wouldn't even let me interview with them for some fucking reason. I am stressed beyond belief and the only way I like to release my stress I can't do at school. I LOVE video games, my Xbox360 is my own personal psychologist. Playing some Team Fortress 2 makes me feel better. But because of the network here I can't get online and TF2 is strictly online.

I am tired of being sad and unhappy. It's like my summer sucked so badly that I can't recover from it. I think my family realizes it too. Life sure has a way of sticking it in and breaking it off huh? I try to focus on my schoolwork but I'm so depressed that I don't feel like doing anything but sleep. People tell me "God is testing you" if so then answer me this: WHEN THE FUCK IS THE TEST OVER?! I had a test on Monday and it lasted 35 minutes! I never had a test last months!! When I think I've gotten over my bad summer I just think about it again and depress myself. My sister thinks I should talk to the student councilor and work on myself. What do you think?

*PS despite what you may be thinking I am NOT suicidal!!!*

41 comments:

水晶 said...

果然很有意思呀....這當然要頂一頂呀 ̄﹏ ̄........................................

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said...

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mackt_gattis1115 said...

When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.............................................

長宜芳修 said...

原來這世上能跟你共同領略一個笑話的人竟如此難得........................................

TommyStark0109佩政 said...

好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗......................................................

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roh0218_g said...

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DennyR_Guari佳穎 said...

好文章,希望能一直看到您的PO文........................................

向花 said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人 ............................................................

sdas said...

Many a little makes a mickle.............................................................

俊宏 said...

It is no use crying over spilt milk..................................................................

淑娟 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。..................................................................

陳慧 said...

在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」.................................................................

皇銘 said...

Poverty tries friends.....................................................................

皇銘 said...

與人相處不妨多用眼睛說話,多用嘴巴思考,....................................................................

家銘家銘家銘 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

婷珊 said...

走過路過~不能錯過~哈哈............................................................

怡君 said...

支持你就對了!..................................................................

雲亨雲亨雲亨 said...

rain before seven; fine before eleven.............................................................

吳婷婷 said...

.有價值的東西,都要付出代價。-................................................

楊儀卉 said...

累死了…來去看看文章轉換心情~..................................................................

張雅筑張雅筑 said...

God never shuts one door but he opens another...................................................

原秋原秋 said...

There is no key to happiness, only a ladder..................................................................

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生命如夏花洵爛;死如秋葉之靜美。............................................................

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RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

If you can not be kind, at least have the decency to be vague...................................................

張志亦劉美玲 said...

第一次來這裡 愛上你的部落格 感謝你的分享...............................................................

李家黃喬盈榮 said...

覺得自己能不能做到,其實只在一念之間。.......................................................

惠慧萍婷 said...

世界上沒有本來就應該的事,因為老天爺也沒有劇本..................................................

思韓韓韓穎 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。.................................................................

麗文剛文剛文剛玲 said...

文章不求沽名釣譽,率性就是真的..................................................................

峻胡邦慧v帆 said...

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翊翊翊翊張瑜翊翊翊 said...

你文章很棒的~繼續分享給大家~~~~..................................................

瑰潼 said...

成功可招引朋友,挫敗可考驗朋友......................................................................

麗BellaS_Power1122君 said...

期待你的下次更新喔^____^..................................................

凱許倫 said...

加油-不論如何都期待您的新發表!.................................................................